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July 23, 2008
Ebert, Estelle, and the unfunny Fallon
 Sophia Petrillo was universally loved.
 TV Stevie wishes that The Sopranos ended in a way that made at least a little sense.  Email TV Stevie
Before I get into this installment of TV Stevie, I think we should all take a moment of silence to mourn the passing of Estelle Getty, best known for her role as Sophia Petrillo on Golden Girls, which is one of the last sitcoms to be universally loved, despite the fact that it was about four old ladies sharing a house in Miami (I'll trust the moment of silence you took was sufficient, since I have no way of policing this).
Getty's weekly diatribes about how things were when she was young girl growing up in Sicily almost never missed the mark, and her constant jabs at Dorothy were among the best one-liners in sitcom history. She was one of TV's great insult comedians. Earlier this week, Getty passed away at the age of 84, and, in honour of her memory, I feel like I'm finally ready to forgive her for making Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, a film that was not only awful, but also managed to tarnish my childhood memory of the great Rocky Balboa upending the steroid-fueled Ivan Drago for no money in hostile Russia. But I'm ready to put it all behind me.
On with the column...
We're in the midst of what is probably the worst time of the year on television. There's nothing on the tube. Of course, I don't mean this literally, since that would indicate that when you turn on your TV you'd see nothing but black and grey static. Figuratively, however, I'm right on the mark. Other than the odd episode of Wife Swap (which is actually becoming less watchable every time I see it, since virtually every episode consists of an overly uptight family being matched with a clan that is so lazy and defiant that their kids have cheese growing between their toes), it's getting difficult to force myself to tune into anything, which is crazy, because I obviously care about television more than the average couch potato.
Normally, this wouldn't be a huge problem in late-July, since we'd be out and about enjoying barbeques and shooting each other with Roman candles. But, for whatever reason, we've been experiencing 12-17 major thunderstorms every week this summer. And they haven't been what you'd consider typical showers or sprinklings; there've been at least three or four instances in which I've driven my car through 20 inches of water, which is the sort of thing that'll stall your engine while soaking your socks and sandals.
 I'm ready to let it go.
Luckily, we live in The In\formation Age, and sometimes it's almost as enjoyable to discuss what's happening in the TV industry (i.e. new shows, network deals, who threw a tantrum behind the scenes, what body part Tori Spelling has most recently had surgerized, etc.) than it is to actually watch television. That isn't always the case, but I'm certainly more compelled to know what's happening in September (when real TV returns) than I am with anything currently happening on Baby Borrowers or Jon & Kate Plus 8 (which I assume is my mom's favourite show, since we seem to discuss it every time I go over for a visit). Maybe that's just me, but I'm pretty sure that it's also you. That is, unless you happen to enjoy Baby Borrowers, in which case I apologize (to the people who are regularly forced to engage you in conversation, not you).
So, with the (pointless) preamble out of the way, let's get to a rapid fire report of all the major stories happening in the world of TV that I'm going to assume you care about. (Unfortunately, you'll only get the rapid fire effect if you're a fast reader.)
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No Siskel, no Ebert, no Roeper
It's the end of an era, and the world has changed so much since that era began, nobody seems to care. At the Movies -- a show that was known to most as Siskel & Ebert before Siskel passed away and it became Ebert & Roeper -- has signed two new movie reviewers. TV will never be the same again.
 Siskel and Ebert personified our love of movies...and nerds.
While we aren't fully aware of their reasons (it's always money), Ebert and Roeper have both quit the show, with ABC tapping E! Entertainment blogger Ben Lyons and Turner Classic Movies host Ben Mankiewizcz as their replacements.
Seriously, though, it doesn't even matter who ABC chose as its new hosts. At the Movies is a TV dinosaur at this point. Clips, trailers and reviews of movies have become so readily available on the Internet that there's really no need for a show of this ilk. Perhaps some of us continued to watch At the Movies through the years because, as creatures of habit, we saw no reason to change the way we get our movie information. Personally, even though I stopped watching the show regularly around the same time I could download a movie trailer in less than three days, I'd still watch Ebert and Roeper discuss films from time to time because they were familiar faces and doing so reminded me of a simpler time in my life when I got all my movies reviews from the fat guy and the bald guy. But those days are gone.
I can say with great certainty that there's no way I'll bother watching Lyons & Mankiewicz, even though I've got nothing against them (which is partly because I couldn't pick them out of a police lineup). A show like this one is redundant in the year 2008, particularly so because the thumbs rating system, which provided the show's only legitimate cache since Siskel's passing, is owned by Ebert. The new hosts won't be able to tell us how good a film is by using their thumbs, which is terrible, because the thumbs are the only filanges capable of adequately describing the value of a motion picture. The new guys could try to use their middle fingers, but that'll only work if the film is bad.
Estelle Getty is dead. Ebert & Roeper no longer have their own show. My cats seem too grown to spend any quality time with me. The world is changing...
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Late night TV musical chairs
The late night talk show scene is, once again, getting muddled and confused. With NBC holding true to its plan to replace Jay Leno with Conan O'Brien as host of The Tonight Show starting on June 1, 2009, egos are being bruised and men with enormous salaries are getting concerned with how they're going to pay for their next mansion and/or divorce.
 NBC should raffle off a chance to kick Jimmy Fallon in the nuts.
But that leaves Leno without a job for the time being, which means that either: a) NBC will offer him another job at the network for which he'd be grossly overpaid (like maybe a series of prime-time specials or a PSA in which he warns kids about the dangers of drinking domestic beer); or b) he'll take the opportunity to make a move over to ABC for their 11:30 show, in which case Jimmy Kimmel would lose his job, even though he's considered an up-and-comer in the world of late night (I might not agree with that, but he is funnier than Leno, although the same can be said of watching YouTube clips in which high school kids hit one another in the shins with golf clubs).
At the moment, however, Leno has the most highly-rated show in late night, which would lead some to believe that if he left NBC, suddenly his new employer would have acquired the number one show in late night. That probably isn't how it'll play out, but it's certainly what Leno's agent is telling NBC and ABC.
Personally, I believe that ABC will decide that they're better off with Jimmy Kimmel at $2 million per year than Leno at $10 million (note: all salary figures have been pulled straight out of my butt). NBC will stick to their plan to transition Conan to 11:30, and continue with getting Jimmy Fallon ready to replace Leno as late night's most inexplicably employed host.
Speaking of Fallon, NBC is actually making an intelligent move by having him try out his late night material online before giving him the opportunity to make a fool of himself on network television. Starting this fall, Fallon will test out his show on the Internet every weeknight at 12:30 with a series of 5-10 minute comedy bits.
According to Lorne Michaels (the czar of NBC's late night division), "Beginning it on the Internet for five or six months before it goes on will give us a chance to find the show."
More than likely, however, NBC will review the Fallon Internet Experience and use it as evidence to prove that he's not cut out for late night TV, at which point they'll probably sign Mike Bullard to fill the 12:30 timeslot, assuming he's willing to leave his job as a bartender in downtown Hamilton.
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The Battlestar Galactica prequel is coming!
As the real BSG winds down (sometime next year, or by 2022 at the latest), the Internet hype machine is really getting behind its upcoming spin-off, which will be known as Caprica.
Click here to watch the trailer.
I, for one, am pleased to see that Eric Stoltz is working again, especially since I was pretty sure that he offered to squeegee my windshield the other day as I was coming off the highway.
*****
The Office spin-off is going around in circles
First, there was definitely going to be a spin-off of The Office. Then Amy Poehler signed on to be its star. Then NBC shifted gears and said that Poehler would get her own sitcom, but it wouldn't have anything to do with The Office.
Now, NBC is back to planning an Office spin-off, but it'll be separate from the Poehler show, and the producers who were going to work on it (who are committed to the Poehler show), won't be involved.
But rest assured that NBC is committed to cashing in on the popularity of The Office, no matter how half-bakedly they're going about it. There's money to be made!
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